i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
