I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
