Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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