No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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