woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
