epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize