i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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