He kissed a someone with a penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
