Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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