you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
