I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
