dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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