You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
