Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
