I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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