just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
