I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
