just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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