How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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