She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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