no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
