I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
