Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
