He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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