ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize