i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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