i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
