I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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