I think I died a long time ago.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
