party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is wine microwaveable?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
