I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
