he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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