Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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