Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
