im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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