im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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