How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
