you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
