You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My vagina just recognized that song.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
