it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
