I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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