im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
