I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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