I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
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