I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
