mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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