i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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