I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
