I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
