is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
