All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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