i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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