A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I touched a dick in church today
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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