Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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