Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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