I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
