Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
