i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.