This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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