Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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