i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
